by Emily Ayotte and Kara Sordelett

Introduction

Dating has evolved over the past decade. With new technology, there are easier ways to meet people without the hassle of awkward conversations. We plan to uncover the changes that certain dating sites have initiated. In an era where most communication is established via electronics, intimate relationships have already begun to evolve and may continue to change with technologies continually developing.

There are several aspects of dating that are affected when using dating sites, such as Eharmony.com, Chemistry.com, and Match.com. The most important aspect that we have discovered is the speed at which relationships grow. We also found that there are different reasons for using the sites. These reasons vary between male and female: newly single, divorced, and unsuccessful daters. Not only are there differences in gender and status, but also in age, for example some of the sites are geared towards a middle-aged bracket, while others are for younger daters.

Dating Sites

The three dating sites that we researched were Eharmony.com, Chemistry.com, and Match.com. Each site is available to anyone over eighteen years old who is interested in dating or even marriage.

Eharmony.com
This is a pay-by-month dating site that is considered more conservative and for a middle-aged user. There is even a section for married couples that need advice and counseling. This site is more geared towards finding a spouse rather than casual dating. Because of this, they only allow for heterosexual members to use their site. Unless they are running a special, the user must pay first to access any part of this site.

Chemistry.com
This site is a dating site for all ages and sexual orientations. When first joining, the user is required to complete a personality assessment and answer personal questions. Some of the questions are displayed on the user’s profile, while others help to determine what type of person they are compatible with. After completing the survey, an evaluation is given back about your personality type and what type of personality you would be compatible with. There are four different types of personality: Builder, Explorer, Director, and Negotiator. Each of these types are then related to the questions which were answered in the survey. It is broken down on a 100% scale, for example I (Emily) am 25% Explorer, 26% Builder, 30% Negotiator, and 17% Director. This appears to stereotype the user and then chooses the match based on these stereotypes. It could almost be viewed as a type of astrological reading.

Match.com
Match.com is similar to Chemistry.com because it does not discriminate based on the user’s sexuality. After answering a series of questions, Match.com then selects your matches based on the similarities in answers. Match.com allows the users to either view results based on mutual likes and dislikes (mutual match) or by searching who is looking for a person like you, a reverse match. The users with the higher percentages of similarities are shown first.

Reasons for Using Dating Sites

After interviewing several people who have used dating sites, we discovered that there are several reasons why people chose to use the technology. We received answers from never married, single, college-aged students that resulted in being new to the area, the promise of free match reviews and simply curiosity. The others we interviewed were divorced, middle-aged women who claimed it was too hard to start dating again and "getting out there."

One of the middle-aged users claimed that she did not want to put herself completely out in the open, but wanted to share some information about herself with an interesting match. After being divorced for three years, this woman realized that beginning to date again was going to be an awkward transition. She believed that joining a dating site would take some of the pressure out of meeting new men.

One of the male participants is new to the area and felt that he didn't have anything to lose joining a dating site. Only 25, he believed if he met his matches and they weren't perfect for dating, he could at least make a few new friends. He did however express a preference for meeting women randomly, but didn't know what all of his options could be.

A 21-year old female had broken off a marriage engagement this past March. She felt that it would be nearly impossible to meet a guy that could treat her how she wanted or deserved. She also didn't want to meet someone in a bar and use him as a rebound. With this in mind, she joined a dating site, intrigued by the promise of viewing free matches and then became a paying user.

Age Group Differences

All the participants that took our survey claimed that they used the site for the genuine reason of meeting a person they could date or even marry. We found most of the younger participants were interested in the casual dating scene, while the middle-aged participants claimed to be more inclined to join the sites to find a spouse.

When it came to disclosing information, we found that the college-aged participants were more likely to reveal more about their personal life. The younger users felt more comfortable posting more than one photo of themselves. The middle-aged users were more conservative and chose not to reveal as much information, including posting one picture, if any. For instance, a 65-year-old female was more concerned with displaying her interests and ideals than her photo. She also looked for compatible interests in the other profiles.

Acceleration of Relationships

The instant biographies given by these sites allow the user to scrutinize, stereotype, and ultimately chose or reject certain matches based on a basic profile and sometimes a picture. While the user wants to trust the information given, there is still a possibility that the other user could be lying or making themselves more “attractive” in character. This could be considered a disadvantage because not everyone joins for the same reasons or with the same expectations.

Because these dating sites speed-up the dating process there is discrepancy between how online dating and regular dating progress in terms of time. This could be a positive or negative effect for the couple. If they actually are compatible and chose to continue their relationship without technology, this could result in a great relationship and possibly marriage.

One example of accelerated dating was when a match was made and within the two weeks after being matched, a girl was asked to move in with her new boyfriend. Yes, they had chosen to take the next step from talking online to becoming a couple, but how fast is too fast? For this particular couple, he believed things were not moving too fast and that this would be the best decision for their relationship; whereas she was taken aback and had to decline his proposal but still contemplated the “what if’s” of the new situation.

The idea of speeding up the dating process online is one problem, but we believe that it has leaked into the actual dating world. Couples have different expectations depending on their needs, but has internet dating made couples more demanding in their relationships? Age plays a big part in the acceleration of relationships, but there were still similarities between each age group. It is more common for the divorced or older users to need an accelerated relationship, whereas the college-aged users still have a lot of time to casually date.

Conclusion
Our ethnography proved that dating sites have improved and hindered the dating process in several ways. Because we only interviewed a small population of the dating community on the internet we could not make an accurate accusation of the effects, but we found several similarities that proved our hypothesis. We found that expectations in relationships have increased and couples are moving faster into the next phase, which can prove disastrous in some cases. Even though we have only a few user experiences, we concluded that online dating has actually changed the expectations, speed, and longevity of serious relationships, casual dating, and even marriage.