Facebook Official
Annamarie Ammen



Abstract:
Facebook has drastically changed the way people go about sharing romantic relationships with one another. From a time when it was customary to call or meet with people to fill them in on new or old romances, Facebook has helped society evolve into using the website as a means of finding out who has been with whom and what has come of it. Additionally, the cult-like use of the website has aided in the creation of several terms including “Facebook Official” and has even caused problems for several members of society. Widely used by millions of people in multiple continents, Facebook has begun to reshape how romantic relationships are viewed and what is acceptable in regards to sharing or not sharing updates on said relationships.

Content:
In the ‘90s, people would tell their family and friends that they were in or out of a relationship by calling them or telling them in person. It would have been odd for someone to write a letter or take an ad out in the newspaper to inform other people. In the early 2000s, however, informing other people of one’s current relationship started to take on a more electronic form as people could send an email or text message to provide updates to multiple people at once. In general, face-to-face contact wasn’t as much of a necessity as it had been in the past regarding information about any type of relationship, but it certainly continued to change with the creation of Facebook.

On the fourth of February 2004, Mark Zuckerberg launched facebook.com to students at Harvard, but with its growing popularity, eventually expanded the membership services in September 2006 to anyone with a valid email (“Facebook”). As the number of registered members grew, so did its influence, especially regarding romantic relationships. Used mostly by college-aged students, Facebook provided an opportunity for people to put up their romantic relationship status as well as to whom they were romantically connected. It suddenly became apparent who was worth being pursued, who should be left alone, and who was somewhere in the middle. Today, Facebook is used by people of all ages in countries across the world, and for many, their romantic status is displayed for all to see. The website is predominantly used by college-aged students who voluntarily share their statuses with their friends or others within their network. This practice, however, has caused some change in the way people view romantic relationships according to many of those who use Facebook. Additionally, these changes have led to the coinage of terms such as “Facebook Official,” and even to some drastic events including murder.

Facebook is commonly used to display to “friends” users’ romantic relationship statuses. Given the options of “Single,” “In a Relationship,” “In an Open Relationship,” “It’s Complicated,” “Engaged,” “Married,” or just simply leaving it blank, many users of Facebook opt to label themselves as something. Among my “friends” on Facebook, 26.69% label themselves as “Single” suggesting that they are not involved in a romantic relationship in real life. On the other hand, 28.86% of “friends” label their profiles as “In a Relationship,” with most specifying to whom they are romantically linked. Surprisingly, 31.7% of “friends” left their relationship status blank, thus neither confirming nor denying any sort of outside romantic relationship.

Generally speaking, the majority of people do specify their romantic relationship with the intentions of keeping other people updated. In my own first-hand experience, Facebook has been used to confirm the beginning and end of a relationship. Rather than taking the time to fill others in on my own relationship status, I simply changed my Facebook status with the intention and hope that people would notice and comprehend the change in my romantic status. More often than not, very few questions were raised, though a few people did not notice and questions were asked at a later point. This example is one of how even I have relied on the website as a means of communication to the masses when, in the past, I would have told individuals myself. As seen by my own experience, Facebook has changed the way society views relationships, including the expectations and results.

When asked if they thought Facebook had changed how members of society view relationships, 65% of the 20 people surveyed agreed that change had occurred. Additionally, only 25% thought that nothing had changed, while 10% chose to stay somewhere in the middle, with one saying that changes were noticed “only by people who use Facebook, and only some of them treat Facebook relationships differently.” Among those who said that romantic relationships are viewed differently, many brought up the point of the website just makes a normal romance more public. According to one person, “it changes commitments from being verbal and often private to public and written,” thus changing the dynamics. Along with the idea of the romance becoming more public, another person said, “For a relationship to have a source of validity, it has to be on Facebook.” Those people that agreed that Facebook had changed the view on romantic relationships all seemed to suggest that today’s relationships require validation by the website in order to be taken seriously. They also acknowledged the qualitative changes made by the currently accepted means of sharing romantic status including how “Facebook… seems to cut out the first date where you learn what another person thinks” about a variety of things, such as interests or favorite movies. Another person commented that Facebook puts more pressure on those involved in the relationship to make it official or not.

Among those who disagreed that change has occurred, one said that Facebook had affected networking rather than relationships. Another observed that “people are more nosey” due to Facebook and its reputation as a source of constant updated information. This recent wave of people, especially college-aged students, taking Facebook statuses as the supreme mode of information has spawned many members of society to make a mockery of the situation. In a book entitled, The Facebook Book, by Greg Atwan and Evan Lushing, the serious use of romantic status by so many members has become a joke. In a particular section of the book, the authors make fun of the status labeled “In an Open Relationship” by suggesting that in real life it means, “You’ve convinced someone to dote over you while you betray him or her constantly over the Mini Feed” (the “Mini Feed” being yet another source of information taken very seriously by avid users of the website) (Atwan 89). The book also makes fun of those users who choose not to put up a status by saying that going unlisted as a girl, “means you’re not in a relationship but also not desperate” while a guy doing the same “means you may be in a relationship or married but you’re still looking for sex with anonymous partners” (Atwan 90). Clearly the book is merely a satirical approach to something that has become so iconic to our society, yet it makes several points that, while funny, can also be seen as problems with the system. In the past, relationships were complicated enough on their own without involving the prying eyes of hundreds of “friends.” These days, however, relationships seem to be more public causing many people to rely on Facebook as a reliable source of information. With this idea of a superior reliability on the website, many people have begun to accept terminology regarding relationships, and some have even taken updated statuses too seriously.

To many people the term “Facebook Official” gets tied into the idea that the relationship is public and the two individuals involved can “officially” be considered a couple. Additionally, a relationship was not considered serious until it was announced via Facebook. As one person said, “it’s public for everyone to see and you cannot hide it.” Posting a romantic relationship on Facebook takes away the ambiguity and helps keep people from searching through individual profiles to figure out something uncertain. For those people who got a later start on the Facebook fad, the term is seen as “a joke… however generally the younger the person was when Facebook came out [the more] they use it literally as something you would do once you got in a relationship.” The term itself is something that people use in everyday conversation when talking about individuals involved in romantic relationships. Sometimes the idea of being “Facebook Official” can be taken to the extreme, however, as seen in the case of the London man who killed his wife over her Facebook status. When Emma kicked him out of the house after they decided to split up and changed her Facebook status to “Single,” Wayne Forrester couldn’t take the humiliation. Therefore, one night he let himself inside the house and murdered her while she slept. Her screams woke the neighbors who found him sitting on the front porch covered in blood. He has since pleaded guilty to murder and been sentenced to fourteen years in prison (“Man killed wife in Facebook row”). While this case is one of the more extreme cases of what a Facebook status can mean to someone, it is an example of just how serious people take the website as a source of truthful information. Becoming “Facebook Official” is quickly becoming the norm for being recognized as involved in a romantic relationship, and for many, a relationship isn’t serious or committed until it reaches this stage.

Facebook has only been around for four and a half years, yet it has already changed much of how we used to think and act, specifically regarding romantic relationships. Information that used to be passed on verbally from one person to the next can now be spread to the masses by a simple click of a button on a drop-down menu. Additionally, the use of Facebook to communicate things such as relationship status has changed the way society--especially those classified as college-aged students--views relationships. From new terminology such as “Facebook Official” to instances of taking a status too seriously, this website continues to influence how we think of relationships and what they mean. It is a convenience for some, a bother for others, but overall Facebook is relied on for up-to-date information about what other people are doing. The question remains, however, where the breaking point will be and when relationships will, if they can, return to the pre-Facebook era.